When I first saw him. I knew right that moment that there was something special about us. But I tried not to think about it because I know it wasn’t right. Aside from the fact that he’s too young for me. I know he loved someone so dearly.
I don’t know but maybe destiny really wanted me to push my limit. I fell in love with him..
The love I felt was stronger than any love I encountered to my twenty year living in this world.
I fought for this love…even I know it isn’t right. I knew that I would never be the same again if I lost this once in a lifetime love of mine.
I made my eyes blind so that i could not see all the imperfectness of this love.
I made myself deaf so that I could not hear the reasons and logic of my mind and the voices of those people who I know right from the start could see where this love would go.
I just wanted to be with him.. to be with My DARK ANGEL..
But suddenly..I felt that he’s starting to slipped from my life. I tried to hold him tight but like a sand, the tighter I hold him the more he’s slipping away from me.
I loved him…God knows I do..
I knew on the day I saw the darkness in his eyes… He’s Gone… I lost him…
Nevertherless I continue to be there for him, I continue to be his friend. I laughed when I knew it was the thing he wanted from me. I listened like a dear good friend. I said to myself that I would be satisfied to anything his willing to give. I would never ask for anything in return. I waited for him even though I know he will never be back again. I hide the pain by smiling. I hide the tears so that he will never be guilty that he caused me a lot of pain.
I just want him to be happy…that’s all…
And if making me in pain could bring happiness I’m willing to give it all.
But…On the day I saw HER…I decided to let this foolish love go.
I saw how happy he was to be with her.
She’s pretty…a thousand times prettier than me.
They deserve each other…I uttered to myself…
But bullshit!!!
It hurts!!!!
I pretended to be okay…okay my ass!!! It hurts…Its not okay to die…
It’s not okay to let go the most special person in your life…
It’s not okay to move on when all you want to do is to be with him until your heart stops to beat!
I decided to write this blog not because I wanted to get even to him or even because I wanted to show to every person who will visit my account that I’m a dumb to love someone who can’t love me back.
I wrote this blog because I wanted to show to myself that I will someday can move on and if ever someone will come to my life…I hope that he will realize that I can love someone more than I can love myself… That I’m capable of loving…I’m HUMAN after all..
I don’t know how to end this blog because I don’t even know how to pick up the pieces of me.
I still miss him…I’ll be a hypocrite if I deny that…
But I know I’ll live…as long as I know that he’s happy wherever he is today…
I love you DARK ANGEL…just be happy…and Goodbye…
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