NUMB!

I am numb...
so numb I don't feel like crying.
I am so FED UP with everything!

I'd love to hear my heart breathing again...singing again...living again...
I stopped living ages ago, not because I don't feel the sense of living but because I don't have the reason to live anymore.

I breathe because that's the way it should be...

I want to cry and feel the pain again but I can't..and it doesn't feel right..

Am I a masochist?..cause I'd loved being hurt or maybe the pain signifies that I am capable of loving...

I hate the emptiness of my being; the sickening noise of silence inside me.

Im tired pretending that it's okay. Im tired of this MONOTONY!

If I will be given a chance...

I would scratch the face of a tiger in the jungle...

I would love to shout on top of Mount Everest...

I would want to kiss and make love to an angel in heaven...

I would do all the impossible things until I fulfill to destroy the monotony of my life!

But...

I would never do that... I'll always be...a PRIM and PROPER ME!

Boring...

Snob...

Predictable...

and...

Responsible... ME!

I hate it...but I love it...

I want to change so that when I wake up I'll not be able to recognize myself..

I want to step out on my comfort zone just like a wise man told me...

If I will be given a chance...

I want to not do all the things I have to do...

I want to be different and not scared to try new things...

I want to act again...

I want to curl myself with you on rainy days and hold your hands on a sunny days...

I am such an idiot to come up with this tiring litany...

and your such an idiot to read the bits of craziness in my head....

If I will be given a chance...

I would want to stop writing a boring essay and start to write a new love story...

a new love story that will make my life different...

a new love story that will finally be able to break the monotony of my life...

a new love story that can bring my life back! ='(