December 2, 2011
Dear Angel,
We’ve been together for almost two months now, and the happiness I have in my heart is really overflowing. I wrote this letter to describe how much I love you. Love is something I am familiar and acquainted with. It gave me a lot of things to remember. Good and Bad memories, it is my company all throughout my life. I walked and found a place in this world alone. Thinking that it is really okay to be with just myself ; I had loved someone but he didn’t give me a chance to show how much I care for him or even let me feel the joy of being loved by the person I loved so much. I was broken and almost lost the will to live and grasp the idea of happiness.
Then… you came. My life that have been full of pain and sorrow became full of gladness and zest, as if you are the huge piece that I’ve been waiting for since the day God has given me breath to live. The love I feel for you is like a drop of rain in an endless storm. It is a tiny drop that could fill the thirst of the world. Because of this love, I began to trust again… to feel again… to be alive again… and to decide to submit myself completely. You are the wish and dream that my heart longed for 24 years of my life. I never thought that God really planned to fit someone like me with you perfectly. I am not saying that this love can make us perfect, but this love made us perfect for each other.
There are times that I don’t understand what you think, how you think, and why do you think that way. I am always confused on things about you. You always make me laugh but at the same time you give me a lot of things to make me feel annoyed to you. You are the extreme of everything, but still at the end of the day, my confusion and annoyance are nothing compare to the love I have for you.
I love to stare at you angel, every time I stare at you I saw the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I love how you smile at me; your smile is the only light I know to make me feel happy and contented. I love how you hugged me, your hug is my access between dream and reality. I love how you tell me you love me, because it’s the proof that I’ve finally found the person who knows how to appreciate and love an ordinary girl like me. You told me before that you couldn’t believe that you have someone like me. I was just as amazed as you that God has given me this gift I feel I could never deserve. I love how you plan for our future. I’ve seen how perfect we are for each other every time I hear that we will end up with a lifetime. I love your wisdom and prerogative about the world. You are one great soul that some women neglect to appreciate. I know that if ever you’ve given up on me; I will never find a person as great as you.
Whenever I’m with you , it is always like the first time I saw a light from the almost endless darkness I’ve been. You are my everything and the only hope I have right now. I am too blinded to the light you gave that I’m just so scared that one day I wake up that I’m in darkness again. I love you with the almost highest love I feel right now. My life revolves around you. You are my personal sun. The one who brings me life and energy. The one that sustains the life of my being. The one who has the power to make and destroy my everything. There‘s a point in my life that I prayed that you never come because I know that I will never be the same woman when the time comes that you fill my life. And I’m right; by the time you came I am completely and hopelessly in love with you. It felt that I am one in the werewolf pack and I finally imprinted someone I can’t live without; someone who has the power over me; someone I will be hurt to lose; someone who will give meaning to my life, and someone who has the device button of my destruction.
I wrote this letter with the fear that you will know everything I have in mind and heart right now. Writing this letter has given you an access to my heart and soul. It is so scary, but I am throwing my pretensions and worries so that if ever there will come a time that you’ll doubt my love. You have a sole proof on the intensity of my love for you. Just read and remember that I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND MY HEART BELONGS TO YOU COMPLETELY.
I know that we can’t predict the future, and believe me I am scared to that. I’m scared that this love is really not ours and it was only given us to be strong. I am scared that there is still someone who is meant for you. I am scared that your past lovers will eventually realize that they can’t live without you and will snatch you away from me. I just wish that by that time they’ll realize you are worth fighting for; your love for me is strong enough to give you strength to say no and stay with me. I am scared for the time that you’ll realize “I’m such a bore and nothing”. Maybe, I will always be scared to everything, I know it’s annoying and you will feel that it is nonsense for me to make an issue about the things that are not happening yet, but just bear with me Angel. I am very insecure and paranoid, even though I know that Love is powerful, I knew too, that Love is not constant. Time can make our love unpredictable. People can make our hearts grow weary and tired. The world can bring us One million reason not to love each other forever , and the reality of our story is too vulnerable to just let it be.
If ever I’ll be the first one to give up just remind me the time I fight for this love. I am not saying this because I am unsure of you or the feelings I have for you; I am saying this because I am a very complicated person. My being is not stable and it changes from time to time. I know you got a piece of my attitude beforehand and I hope I didn’t make you tired of my forever ranting of “what ifs and but”.
I know, you’ll say that It’s okay and you love to listen on my litany, but I know that our relationship is just a baby. Someday you will have a point in your life that you’ll grow sick and tired of me being that way, paranoid, insecure and all that, but please angel, bear with me. I can’t promise you that I’ll never hurt you and I will never expect that you’ll never hurt me too, cause pain is a constant companion of love, but the thought that we are fighting for this love can really make a difference.
“The day I fell in love with you,my White Angel is the day that the ghost of the Dark Angel has vanished as if it was exorcised”
Love,
Chibi O:)
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